“Please, Allie! I will buy you lunch and drinks after,” Jennifer begged.
Jennifer and Allie had been friends for a few months. They met at the hospital when they were both receiving chemotherapy. Allie had been diagnosed with cervical cancer earlier in the year and had responded well to treatment. Jennifer, however, battled breast cancer for several years and was preparing to undergo a double mastectomy. Jennifer was referred to a Catholic church in town that had a counseling program for cancer patients and survivors
“Jenn, I really want to help, but church is not my thing,” Allie replied. She was raised by working parents and never went to church as a child or an adult.
“Allie, if I have to go alone I will freak out and not go. You are the only one I have that understands. It’s not like you have to convert or become a nun! Just sit through one service with me and then listen to me whine about my carcinoma and my boobs…or soon to be lack there of. We will go to that place you like where they do the flaming shots after.”
Allie sighed and said, “I do love those flaming shots. And the waiters that bring them to us.”
“Yay!! I’ll pick you up in a half hour!” Jennifer yelled before hanging up.
Allie threw her phone on the couch next to her and looked down at her bare legs. “What the hell do I wear to church?” she thought out loud. She decided on the longest dress she had since all her others were basically made for clubbing. She wasn’t exactly modest and liked showing off her body.
Jennifer was right on time and laughed as Allie plopped herself into the passenger side of her Volvo. “Nice dress. I didn’t know you had anything so…”Jennifer paused.
“So not a stripper outfit?” Allie scowled.
Jennifer laughed and said, “I was going to say conservative.”
Allie played solitaire on her phone through the whole service. She also texted a guy she was talking to and asked if he wanted to get together that night. Allie hadn’t been with anyone since she broke up with her ex two years ago. Since she was done with her chemo and she was in remission she was feeling a lot better and was looking forward to being intimate with someone again. In fact, it seemed to be all she thought about. She had even downloaded porn for the first time in her life and watched it quite often, masturbating daily. She was really hoping the guy she was texting would be available soon so she could relieve some of the sexual tension, but he told her that he was out of town for a while. “Great,” she thought.
After the service and the disappointment, they waited in the back of the church for the priest that would be speaking with Jennifer. After about 20 minutes the place cleared out and an older priest came over to them and led them to a small office. He gave Jennifer some papers to fill out while they waited for the other guy.
“Don’t you feel weird talking to an old man priest about your tits?” Allie blurted out as she watched Jenn scribbling on the forms.
Allie shrugged and went back to playing on her phone.
After a few minutes a handsome man in his 30’s came in and sat at the desk in front of the two women.
“Well, hello, sexy,” Allie thought to herself.
“Hello, ladies. My name is Anthony. I understand you are here today for some counseling, Jennifer,” he said.
“Yes, and this is my friend, Allie. She had cancer, too.”
The man scratched his chin and smiled. “Well, let’s see what we can help you with today,” he said shuffling through paperwork. As Jennifer and Anthony spoke Allie listened for Jennifer to mention anything that she needed from her as a friend. After about an hour Jennifer was drained and Allie was hungry.
“I suppose that is enough for today, though I would definitely like to speak with you again at least twice more before your procedure,” Anthony said as he handed Jennifer his card. “My home phone number is on there as well as my office number so you can call me any time. That goes for you, too, Allison. Any time you want to talk about ways to help Jennifer or even about you,” he added with a smile.
They left quickly and headed to the restaurant. They sat at the bar and ordered drinks.
“So?” Allie asked her friend, “Do you feel renewed? Born again?”
Jennifer took a huge gulp of her Cosmo and shook her head. “I thought I was going to be uncomfortable talking to an old, pruny, priest about my body. But, I was definitely more uncomfortable talking to a young, hot altar boy or whatever he is about it. Like, did you see him? I don’t want him imagining my breasts only because I’m getting them hacked off. But, I guess I feel better talking about it and he did have some good advice. Now if he would give me a loan for fake tits…”
Allie laughed and flagged the bartender over. “We’re going to need 2 more of these. Oh!! And some of those flaming shots.”
They drank, laughed and talked about the hunk of a therapist. After a few hours and a good meal they went home, but Allie couldn’t get Anthony out of her head. She sat on the couch and emptied her pockets. She looked at his card and sighed, “Anthony Rossi. Catholic Therapist.” She laughed and put his numbers in her phone. As she was looking at her phone she got a text from Jenn.
“Same time next week? You know you want to see the Hunky Healer again. LOL.”
“Yes. Lunch won’t be necessary, but shots are mandatory.”
The next week seemed to drag on for both women. Between work and doctor’s appointments Allie was almost looking forward to Sunday for a break and a chance to ogle the sexy shrink.
After Jenn’s second session, Anthony asked to speak to Allie privately. Jenn excused herself from the office with a wink.
“So, Allison. I noticed you don’t have very much to say. But, I wanted to make sure you were in a good state of mind. That you are mentally competent to take care of your friend now and after her surgery.”
Allie narrowed her eyes at Anthony and barked, “What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I am prepared to take care of her. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”
Anthony put his hands up in protest. “I wasn’t trying to offend you. I guess I should have worded that differently.” He sighed and scratched his bearded chin. “What I mean is I want to make sure you don’t need anything for yourself. Sometimes people neglect their own health and emotions when they are trying to help someone in a situation like this.”
Allie adjusted her hair which had fallen in her face and answered, “I appreciate your concern, but I am fine. I’m in remission and have been for a while. I don’t have anything bad going on except for having a best friend that is going through some terrible things.”
Anthony nodded and smiled.
“Ok, if you think of anything you want to talk about you can call me.”
Allie smiled and left the office. She made up a story about having to do something for work so she could go straight home instead of going out with Jennifer.
“Where does he get off trying to analyze me? I don’t need help. I’m fine. I just need to help Jenn. I knew this church crap was going to be stupid. I don’t need anyone to talk to. I have you,” Allie ranted to her Yorkie.
The next morning as she had her coffee she called Jenn to see if she needed anything. She asked if she could bring her a few random items before work to get her through the day. As Allie was standing in the check out line after shopping for Jenn she looked over the items to make sure she had everything that Jenn requested.
“Painkillers, tea, crossword puzzle, scented candle,” she recited in her mind. She had everything.
“Are you sick?” the cashier asked Allie as she scanned the items.
“Oh. No. My friend is. She is having surgery next week and she is trying to feel as well as possible until she goes into the hospital,” she answered.
The cashier smiled, “Oh. Nothing serious, I hope.”
Allie paused and replied, “She has breast cancer.”
The cashier looked surprised and said, “Oh my. I am so sorry. I will keep her in my prayers.”
Allie thanked her and rushed to her car. As she sat in the driver’s seat she realized how cold she sounded when she stated that her best friend had cancer and was about to undergo a life changing surgery.
She began to shake and felt sick. She grabbed her phone to call Jennifer, but saw the first name in her contact list. “Anthony”
She called him and asked if she could talk to him.
“Sure. Can you be here in 20 minutes?” he asked.
Allie was so upset she could hardly think. “I can’t. I can’t drive like this.”
Anthony suggested they meet at a restaurant next to the grocery store she was at. Allie agreed and went inside to get a table and wait for Anthony.
He arrived in just a few minutes. Allie stared at him as he walked in. His light colored dress shirt made his eyes seem darker than usual and he looked very concerned.
“Are you ok?” he asked as he sat next to her.
With those words Allie began to cry and tell him how scared she was. Not just for Jennifer, but for herself. Anthony ordered a bottle of wine and poured a glass for Allie.
“It’s normal to be frightened, Allison. It’s good, in fact. It means you’re human. It means you care.”
Allie wiped her tears away and sipped the wine. “I never dealt with my cancer. I never had help. I just threw myself into work and broke up with my boyfriend. Then I became friends with Jenn and now I’m scared for her.”
Anthony took her hand in his and said, “You’re doing a good thing. A selfless thing. But, you have to take care of yourself, too.”
The two spoke about Allie’s life, her work, relationships, her illness for hours. She had never opened up to anyone this way.
“Maybe it’s the wine talking, but I’m glad I called you,” she said.
Anthony took a big gulp of the said wine and smiled, “I’m glad, too. Would you like to come back to my place and talk some more or shall I call a taxi to take you home?”
Allie was tipsy, indeed, but more so she was relieved, comfortable for the first time in years.
She smiled and replied, “I’d enjoy seeing your place.”
Upon paying the bill the pair bought another bottle of wine to take with them and headed on foot to Anthony’s nearby apartment.
“This is a lovely neighborhood,” Allie stated.
Anthony nodded as he unlocked the door. His apartment was a decent size. The walls were bare except for a few religious paintings and crucifixes. He had a couch and a bookcase in the living room and a small bed in the adjoining bedroom. His kitchen was nothing more than the normal appliances and dishes.
“I don’t have company often. Can you tell?” he asked Allie as she looked around.
Anthony chuckled and retrieved 2 wine glasses from a cupboard.
“Have a seat.”
Allie sat down on the couch and Anthony handed her a glass. He opened the wine and poured her some.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Allie blurted out.
Anthony looked surprised, but quickly smiled and replied, “I did. A fiancé, actually. But, she passed away rather suddenly a while ago.”
Allie felt a rush of humiliation overcome her. “I am so sorry.”
Anthony drank from his glass and shook his head, “It’s fine, Allison. I guess I am used to being the listener and not talking about myself. Anyway, after she died I decided to reevaluate my life. Hence the ugly apartment near the church.”
“So you’ve only been a therapist since then or…?”
“No. I went to college to be a psychologist and I minored in Catholic philosophy and such since my mother insisted. Then, decided to devote my life to God and do my work through Him.”
“I was ordained just last month,” he added.
Allie was a bit confused, “Ordained?”
“Ordained. Officially a priest,” he answered.
“A priest? I thought you were just a therapist? But, you’re a priest? You don’t dress like a priest. Your card doesn’t say Father Anthony. Are you serious?” Allie went on.
He laughed and rubbed his bearded cheeks.
“Technically I am Father Rossi. I haven’t had much time to get new cards made. I only wear the collar during church.”
Allie felt extremely stupid and uncomfortable at this point and pulled her phone out of her purse to call a cab.
“I guess I should be going. I have to work and I feel much better now so-”
She stood from the couch and walked toward the door.
“Allison!” Anthony shouted.
She turned to see him standing as well. “Please, don’t go. Everyone gets so distant when I tell them I’m a priest. I’m no different than I was before. I’m a person, too.”
He was getting a bit choked up and turned away to gain his composure.
Allie took a few steps toward him.
“I’m sorry. I’ll stay. I was surprised.” she said softly.
He turned and sat back on the couch. She sat next to him and stared at his face between his hands.
“Here,” she said as she poured him more wine.
He took it and drank more. They sat in silence for quite a few minutes, drinking and trying to think of what to say.
“Why were you angry?” he asked suddenly.
He finally looked at her again. “Why were you so angry when I said I was a priest?”
She sighed and searched for a way to avoid the truth.
She felt trapped and wanted to run.
“I was angry because I thought I could-” she couldn’t finish what she was going to say.
Anthony scooted closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders.
“You can trust me. Please, tell me why.”
Tears welled up in her eyes and she whispered, “I thought maybe I could love you.”
Anthony’s breath hitched and he took her hands away from her.
He stood up and put his hands on his hips. “Oh no. I’m sorry. I never should have invited you back here. I should have set boundaries. I shouldn’t have….”
Allie stood up to face him. “It’s ok. I just got emotional,” she consoled.
She looked into his beautiful eyes and wanted to scream. “No. This is my fault. I got caught up in this. In you. I forgot for a while.”
He put his hand over his face and laughed. “It was so nice to forget.”
Before she knew it Allie’s hands were on Anthony’s face and she said in a lowered voice, “Then forget again.”
Anthony nearly stopped breathing. “I can’t. We can’t do this.”
Allie felt all her emotions rush to her head as she took a deep breath, leaned forward and gently kiss his lips. She felt his body tremble, but other than that he made no movement. She pulled away slightly and looked at him. His eyes were closed and he was perfectly still. He wasn’t protesting so she continued. She put her lips to his neck and moved them slowly up to his ear.
She slid her hands from his face to his chest and put her hand between the buttons to feel his skin. As she rubbed over his nipple he let out a soft moan. His eyes were still closed, his mouth open a bit now. Allie took one hand and removed the cardigan that was over her strapless dress.
“Allison,” Anthony muttered.
She returned her hands to his face and her lips to his. Kissing him with her mouth open this time. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip as she pulled away. He opened his eyes and stared at her for a moment before he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him. He kissed her on her forehead, then her cheek.
“You are so beautiful and I wish I could be with you, but I can’t.” he said.
Allie took one of his hands from her hip and guided it along her thigh, then up under her skirt to her panties. He tensed up, but didn’t try to pull away. She pulled them to the side and placed Anthony’s hand on her slit. His breathing was erratic again and he threw his head back. She pushed herself into his hand, his touch making her wet. She kissed him again. He didn’t kiss back, he didn’t move his hand.
“What do you want from me?” he asked her shakily.
“I want you.”
“What do you want me to do, Allison?”
She lifted her dress up over her and a let it drop on the floor next to them. She was now nude before him except her panties.
“Say it,” Anthony demanded through clenched teeth, “What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to kiss me,” she replied almost asking.
“I want you to touch me.”
“Is that all?” he continued his eyes still to the ceiling.
Allie hesitated and just stood there.
He pulled his hand away from her sex and looked down at her.
“What do you want, Allison?!?!” he yelled.
She stepped away from him reached down to pick up her dress. Before she could stand back up she felt his hands on her head. He pushed her down gently so she was on her knees. He unbuckled his pants and unzipped them slowly. She could see the top of his pubic hair, but not much else.
“Is this what you want?”
He took of his shirt and tossed it on top of Allie’s dress. He pulled his pants down a bit further and his semi hard cock sprung out in her face. She was surprised at his size and was even more surprised at the fact that he was showing it to her.
“Do you want it, Allison?” he repeated.
He put his hands on the back of her head and pulled her mouth to it.
“Take it,” he grunted.
With that Allie took his entire length in her mouth. As she sucked, Anthony kept his hands on her head. His legs were shaking beneath him, but he would not move away from this bliss. He let her suck him for about three minutes before he pulled her to her feet. He kissed her now, kissed her deeper, longer than anyone had before. She felt herself getting weak and let him hold her up. Her breasts pressing against him making her sweat. When they finally broke away from each other, Anthony led her over to the bed told her to lie down. She did so and he stood at the foot of the bed staring at her.
“It’s been years,” he said softly.
Allie started to sit up but Anthony protested and she laid back down.
“It’s been years,” he repeated, “since I have been touched like that. I missed it, of course, but never gave it much thought. The thing I have thought about, dreamed about-”
He knelt on the bed, his knees at Allie’s, and ran his hands up her thighs.
“The thing I have tried to pray away, the thing-” he reached up and pulled Allie’s panties off and smiled at her. “The thing I missed most was the taste,” he whispered as his tongue plunged into her moisture. She cried out and threw her legs over his shoulders. His mouth was masterful and within moments she was on the edge of ecstasy. He pulled away quickly as he felt her tense up.
“No. Not yet.”
“What?!” Allie yelled.
Anthony laughed and brought his lips to hers.
“What do you want me to do now?”
“Well, I was enjoying that,” she retorted.
He lay on top of her.
“Is that all you want of me?” he asked as he poked her folds with his erection.
She giggled and turned her face away from his.
“Do you want me to fuck you, Allison?” he growled into her ear.
She turned back to him and kissed him again.
“I do,” she almost screamed.
He took his cock in his hand and guided it to her waiting entrance. He took and deep breath and slammed into her. Both of them had gone without for so long that with just a few thrusts they were both on the brink.
“Now. Now you can,” Anthony huffed as he shoved deep into her and put his fingers to her clit. He rubbed furiously and fucked her mercilessly until they both came. Spent, they lay there sweaty for several minutes.
“I feel terrible that I made you do this. That I made you sin,” Allie finally said.
Anthony propped himself up on one elbow and stared down at her.
“O trespass sweetly urged,” he said as he kissed her on the forehead. “Give me my sin again.”
I’ve been gone from here for a while. I’ve been so busy and I’ve had sick kids and I’ve been sick. Anyway, I worked on a little story this week. It’s not perfect and I will edit it at some point, but I’m going to post it here now.
I am lost in elegies and overly soggy cereal. In plane tickets and goodbyes that aren’t said just once, but over and over like nightly prayers. I am born each morning and die each night. I sing you lullabies from over the oceans but am met with stern silence, this is not allowed, I am told by all the world’s travelling breezes. We will deliver your fancies to no one. Not to the girl who, when told it was impossible to lick her elbow, stayed up all night trying. Not to the fisherwoman who dangled her lovers on hooks. Reeled them in and called it romance. Only threw the small ones back after they’d stopped breathing. After a lifetime of broken glass I finally know how it feels to be the brick instead of the window, but the nights are no shorter, and neither the breaker nor the broken ever truly survive each other.